Shop with us at our newly renovated storefront located at 23 2nd Ave. in Huntingdon, Tennessee!

I’m not sure if it has to do with the fact that I just opened a new storefront, and it’s very difficult for me to sit and celebrate milestones …or if I am truly meant to be doing more with my platform. When I take time to sit and get quiet with myself, somewhere deep inside pulls me to do more. When I say more, I don’t necessarily mean thrifting more, designing more, adding more projects to the list or even selling more. When I say more, I mean I feel like I am supposed to be sharing more about my life and my story. I feel like I am supposed to be using my story to help others on a similar path. I feel like I am supposed to be sharing what I learn on my healing journey. Because Lord knows, I have healed a lot and I have a lot more healing to do. I love to write, if you can’t tell. Literally every page of my website includes a 5-paragraph essay. LOL.

If you know anything about me, you know my childhood was complex. My life has been riddled with loss and tragedy. I do not bring that up to receive pity, ever. It’s just a fact. My mother died when I was 7, I was raised by my grandparents, my relationship with my father is less than ideal, and my brother suddenly died in 2018 when he was only 33. I also lost my sweet Poppa in 2017 and my spunky Nana in 2020.

I have a story to tell. Really, we all do. Whether you have dealt with capital T trauma or small T trauma, we all have experiences and moments that shape us into the humans we are today. The reality is that ALL grief and ALL trauma sucks.  It’s never healthy to trauma-compare—but that doesn’t mean I don’t catch myself doing it sometimes. But something I CAN get behind is trauma-bonding. When I get in a group of people, I seriously don’t care about small talk. I do not want to know how "your mom-n-nem" are doing, as we say down here in rural Tennessee. I want to know why your dad lost custody of you when you were 6…and that’s FOR REAL. I want to know because I believe there are so, so many layers to each person. I feel like the more we know about about each other, the more forgiving and understanding we can be. But the problem is, we are so used to showing off the best, outside layer.  We want to impress. We want to achieve. We want to show the highlights. The pretty things. The happy parts. We can thank social media for a lot of that.

While I use Instagram to show off my vintage finds, latest projects, creative endeavors, motherhood antics and more, there is a part of me that is screaming inside. Screaming to let you all in on my life outside of Little Yellow Door. Don’t worry, I don’t live a double life. I genuinely LOVE my work. Love it so much I am obsessed with it. Which is a huge blessing and privilege. I stay moving and busy and consumed with the work it takes to run a small business because I love it. I seriously enjoy every minute. But sometimes when I get really quiet and still…I look for the source of my busy-ness.

Why am I always so busy? Why does my brain constantly think of home design and paint colors and light fixtures and tile and furniture and fabric swatches? Every single night as I'm falling asleep, I think about these things. These thoughts are like a cozy blanket or warm rocking chair, holding me and lulling me to sleep. These thoughts are safe and fun and full of hope for the future.  These are the thoughts that literally saved me when my brother died. I have been turning to interiors for a WHILE, but now I can recognize this obsession as a coping mechanism and a way to avoid my real issues.

I was telling a friend earlier this week that I often feel like I can hide behind Little Yellow Door and all the tasks required to keep it running. Every time I reach a milestone or something good happens or I reach a personal business goal, it’s almost like the dopamine hit feeds my ego. And if you don’t know much about ego, or you haven’t read anything on ego vs. self…it’s very interesting and you should take a deeper dive. I recommend starting with the book The Untethered Soul by Michael Singer.

Anyway, I often feel like I am hiding in plain sight. Lately, I have learned that AVOIDANCE is one of the main coping mechanisms I cling to like a life vest. I avoid a lot of things. And I am proud of myself for being self-aware enough to realize this. This week, I took my journal, and I wrote down all the things I’ve been avoiding. A lot of those things included feelings, difficult conversations, dealing with relationships that aren’t serving me, decluttering areas of my home, exercising during postpartum, starting therapy again, doing the deep work around feeling worthy, and honestly…the list goes on.

So when I say I can use being BUSY and Little Yellow Door as a way to hide from the things I need to be dealing with...this is what I mean. I avoid. Avoiding feels safe. Thinking about tile feels safe. Avoiding feels safe. Picking out paint colors feels safe. Avoiding feels safe. Going thrifting every single time I get a free moment so I don’t have to face the real problems in my life…feels safe.

Do you see what I mean? Do you do this too? When do you get quiet with yourself? When do you slow down? Are you afraid to slow down? How do you get quiet with yourself? What does that look like for you? Have you ever just checked in and asked yourself, “WHAT AM I AVOIDING?”

I was in a slump recently and desperately needed to work my way out of it. If you want to stop avoiding your problems, but truly don't know where to begin….start here.

Take out a piece of paper or a journal.

Simply write down, “What am I avoiding?” and see what comes to the surface. Be honest. Write down everything. Even if it's ugly. Even if you're ashamed. Even if you're embarrassed. When I did this, I was writing and writing and writing. Turns out, I was avoiding a lottttt.

Are you avoiding your true feelings about your job? Are you avoiding taking your child for that speech evaluation? Are you avoiding looking at your bank account? Are you avoiding a hard conversation with your spouse or a friend? Do you avoid visiting your family? Are you avoiding that daunting doctor's appointment? Do you have things that need to be said that you are tucking away? Do you have a nagging feeling that you should start a business? Do you feel called to adopt? Are you avoiding church because you aren’t sure what you believe right now? Are you avoiding planning that party? Are you avoiding the pesky, large, scary mole on your back that you KNOW needs to be checked out? Are you avoiding opening your mail? Are you avoiding getting your oil changed?

WHAT ARE YOU AVOIDING?

This can be really overwhelming to think about, but once you get it onto paper, it can be really freeing. Recently, my husband told me that I have been acting uptight. I agreed with him, honestly. But once I WROTE DOWN the things I have been actively avoiding….my stress and anxiety and resentment and bitterness made sense and I felt lighter for admitting to myself there are things in my life that need to be handled.

So I push you to just try this little exercise today! What are you avoiding? Once you write out the things you have been avoiding, choose one. JUST ONE…and try to address it this week. Since making my list, I have had a difficult conversation, started walking every morning, reading at 5AM, and I am writing this blog post because I know deep down that I am called to do more in this life than just thrift and show off paint colors. And the thought of just thrifting and showing off paint colors forever has been NAGGING me recently. But I can tell you, after gaining some clarity, I feel 1,000 pounds lighter.

I hope this was helpful. I hope you do this exercise for yourself. To better yourself. Because what we don’t realize is that when issues go for years and years without being addressed, every part of our lives can be impacted in a negative way. That negativity and bad energy is like a contagious disease, slowly affecting you, your friends, and your family,

I already feel better after writing this blog post, because THIS type of work feels most aligned with what I’m supposed to be doing in this life. I’m hoping to continue using my blog for these types of conversations. Don't worry--Little Yellow Door as you know it isn't going anywhere because it's literally my mental happy place. I just don't need to use it as a crutch and allow myself to use LYD as a way to avoid my feelings. Let me know if you have any questions or want to chat about your findings!

I love y’all!

xx, Paige