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“Can’t you just slow down for a little while?”

“Why are you doing all this?”

“Having a baby hasn’t slowed you down any!”

“You need to take that baby home and rest!”

These are all legitimate comments I’ve heard over the past few weeks since having our second son, Lake. While I do not think these words were spoken to hurt or scrutinize me in any way, I do believe such comments are careless and a bit unnecessary. But hey, I do live in the South. I’m not sure why I’m the least bit surprised by others sharing their opinions about my life haha :)

Bottom line is that new mothers are fragile. Very fragile. There is a reason this season is called the fourth trimester. I believe it is very important to remember that each mom is different. Healing looks different for everyone. I am aware by now that others wonder why I continue to go thrifting while tending to a new baby. I know it’s hard for people to understand why I would throw together a yard sale at my store with a 6-week-old. Why would I continue to go to the post office and ship orders if I must nurse my baby in the car for 30 minutes before walking in? Why did I hop back into work without adhering to a proper maternity leave? How do I make the fourth trimester look so easy?

The short answer is this: I am doing what makes me happy.

And honestly, that answer should be enough! But in the world we live in, with social media and our personal lives so OUT THERE for everyone to see…it can be hard to just give a short answer and leave it there.

So…I am sharing my explanation for a few reasons. Number one, I do not want any moms comparing themselves, their schedule, their motherhood journey or their day-to-day life with mine…or anyone else’s for that matter! Comparison is seriously for the birds, although I fall victim to it all the time. I think we all do. Secondly, I sadly do feel the need to explain myself. I feel so guilty when someone asks why I’m not “just resting at home with the baby.” And lastly, I am sharing because people need to start to understand that postpartum is a time when moms should feel uplifted and supported—no matter what their postpartum experience looks like.

So yes, I will admit I have been busy since having my baby! I recognize this. I own it. I won’t deny it. I like to think I’m pretty self-aware. I birthed Lake on a Monday, we went home on Tuesday, and my husband was back to work by Wednesday. He’s a farmer, and if you know anything about farm life, you know that the crops must be planted at a certain time. No ifs, ands or buts about it. We ended up having a baby right in the middle of cotton planting season, so we had no choice but for Will to go back to work. I know he would have loved to be home with us right after having Lake, but it just wasn’t in the cards for us.

So that left me home with 2 babies by myself. I don’t say this for pity. This is just a fact. For 2 weeks straight, I tended to a newborn and a toddler by myself while my husband worked 12-14 hour days. From the moment our feet hit the floor in the mornings I was making breakfast, feeding dogs, nursing around the clock, potty training, playing soccer, throwing baseball, making crafts, wiping noses, changing diapers, until I would finally say screw it and turn on The Sandlot for hours on end. My almost three-year-old now talks about Wendy Peffercorn every single day and wants me to rewind the pool scene over and over and over. Not sure if that’s considered the best parenting. But anyways!!

After a few weeks of really doing the whole stay-at-home-mom thing, I could feel myself slipping. You see, Worth was a covid baby, so I probably stayed home for close to 6 weeks with him before venturing out into the world. Those 6 weeks were not pretty. Anxiety, fear, doubt, irritability, nerves, insomnia…you name it. Granted, Worth was my first baby. But my emotions were such a roller-coaster after having him. I was so scared all the time. Scared I was doing something wrong. Afraid he was going to die. I can remember waking up in an absolute panic on multiple occasions thinking I had smothered him by accident in my sleep. I can remember when an ambulance or police car passed my house, I would immediately call Will because I was afraid something had happened to him. I would call and call and call until he answered. I also googled every little thing. I would seriously just sit on google and convince myself that my baby had some sort of rare disease. I had awful, intrusive thoughts all the time. I can remember being so irritable and the smallest things would absolutely set. me. off.

The good thing is all those feelings and emotions were temporary, but I didn’t know that at the time. I eventually learned how to work through my anxieties and fears, but it took months and months that first time around.  My doctors told me that I needed to start taking meds just to get through postpartum, but I refused. I went through it all, felt it all, and learned the hard way. I can now say that I was a littttttleeee crazy after birthing my first baby.

Looking back, I think a lot of my issues came from totally isolating myself. Worth was born July 2020, so I wouldn’t allow family to come over because of covid. I didn’t let anyone hold Worth until he was close to 3 months old. I lived in fear and accepted help from no one.

When I found out I was pregnant with Lake, I knew I could not go through that again. If I know anything about myself, it’s that my work makes me happy. Seriously. Design, thrifting, styling and sourcing brings me so much joy and satisfaction. It’s sometimes hard to explain how much I enjoy it. Yes, I scheduled my girls at the store to work a little bit more so that I could enjoy some time off if I wanted it. But only if I wanted it. I was not going to force myself to stay at home this time. I was not going to isolate myself to the point of depression. I don’t think my brain is meant to sit still. I joked with one of my friends just earlier today when she was expressing how much I “amaze her” with all that I do… I told her that my staying busy is probably just an avoidance tactic. Which might really be true! I like to leave my house in the mornings so that I don’t have to stare at the disaster that is my laundry room or the mountain that is the dishes in my sink. Just because I share pretty photos on Instagram does not mean that my house doesn’t stay a wreck—especially in these postpartum days!

I just want moms out there to understand that we are all just out here trying to survive. If staying home makes you happy, please do that. If staying busy makes you happy, please do that. You know yourself better than anyone. I am so thankful for the knowledge and experience I have as a mother with this second baby. I am so much better off knowing that I can work if I want. I don’t have to stay home in isolation. I don’t have to live in fear. I am so grateful I can go to a thrift store and not be paralyzed with fear that my baby is going to die of some virus.

I think sometimes we can forget how scary 2020 was for everyone, but especially pregnant and new moms. While I am still cautious about who holds and kisses my baby, I am not allowing anxiety to completely rule my life. I feel like I have more control this time. I feel free. I trust my motherly instincts more. I am a damn good mom, and I know that.  

Now, that doesn’t mean that this is my time to shine in the picking world. I struggled a little last week when the Highway 70 yard sale was going on. I watched (through social media) all my fellow pickers and thrifters wake up at 5 am and hit all the good sales early. I can’t lie, it stung a little bit knowing that I can’t do that right now. Because shoot, a few years ago I would have been right there with them! Hot on the trail!!! But I have 2 young children at home, so I have to accept that now is not my time to hit the sales early. Now is not my time to haul and fit crazy amounts of furniture in my car because I have 2 car seats. I must go at my own pace. I have to be okay with knowing I may not get the best of the best “stuff” right now. But that’s okay. Because that’s all it is. Stuff. My family and my babies are my priority right now, and thrifting will fall into place in time. It always does.

So if you see me changing my baby’s diaper in the front seat of my car at a flea market, know that we are doing just fine. If you see me nursing in a random booth at an antique store, know that we are thriving. If you come shop at my store and I ask you to hold the baby real quick so I can package an order, know that I trust you. If you see me doing some crazy, off the wall thing that you would never THINK of doing with a new baby, please do not compare yourself to me. We are all just out here trying to survive. Trying to avoid postpartum depression. Trying to make the most of every day. Every decision I make is made with intention, thought and prayer.  My heart goes out to anyone out there struggling mentally. I know that it is so hard for others to understand what you are going through. But as long as you are taking care of you and being the absolute best version of yourself today, that is all anyone can ask of you. You got this!!